Negotiating With the Enemy

There is little doubt that the current Hamas & Israel conflict has triggered a lot of emotions across the globe, but from a mediator’s standpoint, it was interesting to watch the negotiated surrender of detainees/hostages that recently occurred.  Brokered by Qatar, the warring sides agreed to a ceasefire so they could exchange a few hundred people in the middle of violent hostilities.

This raises the question of just how you mediate when the parties are – literally or figuratively -- at war with each other.

In a great article in the science magazine Nautilus, Swiss neuroscientist, psychologist, and mediator Olga Maria Klimecki-Lenz was interviewed on just such a topic.  Her biggest insight was that the anger between the parties can be used to de-escalate the situation and bring the parties closer to resolution.

Klimecki-Lenz noted that hatred comes from a belief that the other side is inherently bad and will not change.  Anger, though, comes from a sense of being harmed by an unfair action.  “Anger can also serve as a motivation for reconciliation, because the ultimate goal of the feeling of anger, when caused by an unfair action, is to overcome the injustice.”

Separating emotions is a key element to getting to a resolution.  It is crucial that your mediator be able to help the parties through this process.

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